These are the behaviours you want to avoid to build better and meaningful relationships
In very practical sense, we have two minds, one that thinks and one that feels. Highly emotionally intelligent (EI) people rank high on responsiveness, empathy, listening, and self-awareness. And they excel at interpersonal interaction. The reason emotional intelligence is so widely valued is pretty simple.
It plays a role in everything. In Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, author Daniel Goleman argues that “People with well-developed emotional skills are also more likely to be content and effective in their lives, mastering the habits of mind that foster their own productivity; people who cannot marshal some control over their emotional life fight inner battles that sabotage their ability for focused work and clear thought.”
People with very low emotional intelligence cannot accurately perceive emotions in themselves and others. They are also usually judgmental, and self-destructive. They can be difficult to get along with on a personal or social level and difficult to work with because they cannot respond positively to even the most constructive or well-intended criticism. People with low emotional intelligence have a lot of things in common.
1. They don’t develop meaningful relationships
Everyone needs meaningful relationships to thrive and to avoid traveling through life alone. Good and lasting friendships are formed through the mutual exchange of ideas, exhibiting empathy and compassion, offering support to the people we care about. People with low emotional intelligence don’t provide the appropriate connections and responses to those close to them. Hence they miss out on the opportunity to make meaningful connections. That can mean self-imposed isolation.
You can break the pattern of low intelligence in yourself by getting to know other people better and resisting the temptation to talk more than you listen.
2. They are not self-aware
Emotionally intelligent people have a candid and realistic understanding of themselves.
Emotionally intelligent people are in tune with how they feel, but they do not let their emotions rule their lives. They are mindfully present when responding to situations.
Genuine introspection and truly knowing oneself can help you develop self-awareness, compassion, social intelligence.
3. They are self-focused
Because people with low emotional intelligence cannot process or understand the emotions of others, they tend to draw every conversation, circumstance, and situation back to themselves. They also tend to take over conversations and ask rhetorical rather than open-ended questions because the question is usually intended to grab or keep your attention, not to hear your response — or even to give you the opportunity to make one. People with very low intelligence cannot truly open themselves up to being fully available to others, but usually will not give others the opportunity to open up, either.
They are often manipulative, calculating, and inherently controlling.
4. They are never wrong
Like most of us, you probably know someone who has an opinion on everything. In fact, they usually think they have the only opinion that matters.
This is a trait of someone with very low intelligence. In fact, they will frequently argue with others because they want to force or sway them to their point of view.
Dealing with argumentative people like this can be a frustrating experience because they listen to speak, not to hear, so they refuse to acknowledge anyone else’s right to have an option that differs from their own.
People with very low emotional intelligence are usually staunchly convinced that they are always right and will argue until the end of time rather than concede even a single point in an argument.
They are usually unsympathetic, cannot empathise with others, and can sometimes be perceived as bullies.
When someone has low emotional intelligence, they tend to eschew emotions and have trouble managing theirs and interpreting yours.
You can break the pattern of low intelligence in yourself by learning to see, hear, and feel the emotions of other people and by learning to shape your own responses and reactions accordingly.
5. They are never at fault
When someone does not have a handle on their emotional wellbeing, they typically never accept blame for anything.
A low score on a test is the fault of the instructor or of a perceived flaw in the exam. A job loss is the fault of lousy coworkers or of a boss who does not understand them.
Mistakes are how we learn, and everyone makes them.
When someone can never admit a mistake, it also means they can never learn from it and are likely to make the same mistake — and blame the same scapegoat — over and over, again.
You can break the pattern of low intelligence in yourself by acknowledging a mistake, deciphering your part in it, and finding the lessons in them.
People with low emotional intelligence can also be oblivious and unsympathetic, indignant and self-righteous, and can often seem impossible to please.
The key to learning to develop a high emotional intelligence quotient is in knowing you lack one in the first place.
The good news is, your emotional intelligence is completely under your control. You can improve it and get better at understanding people’s emotions and relating better with them.
If you find yourself in the constant company of a friend, family member, or colleague with low emotional intelligence, you can help them grow and develop into an emotionally intelligent person — a change that can be mutually beneficial for all concerned.
Written by Thomas Oppong